Thursday, November 28, 2013

Why am I doing this to you and to me? A confession

We Homeschool!

There I said it. What a thing to get off my chest.  I should be relieved but I'm not, why?  Because that's not it, I have no problem telling people we homeschool.  What I really want to confess is that I think my kids are stupid and it's all my fault.
This is the hardest thing we have ever chosen to do.  Deciding to have kids was easy and we did it twice, but this. I had no idea that there would be days and days and days on end that I would argue, fight and cry. My stress level never come down, unless I have a drink and I don't like to drink.   I have fights everyday with my kids because I'm thinking "why don't you get this, it's easy!"  Well of course it's easy I'm 35.  When I was 8 I struggled with school so bad that I can remember faking sick day after sick day just so I didn't have to go.
My kids really aren't stupid,  my 8 year can recite more than 1/2 the periodic table and tell you all about molecules and atoms and how they were made.  He did that work on his own only asking for help with words that I had look up.
My 6 year old has the most creative mind and I love it.  He wakes up and will talk about his dream for an hour.  He would make a great author one day.
Why did we choose this form of learning? 
There is nothing wrong with our school and hundreds of kids go everyday.
Why did I think putting myself through this was a good idea?
I am a Mom and Mom's can do anything they put their mind to.
What am I doing so wrong that my kids hate school so much?
Every kid hates school and even if they went to school they would still hate it.  I am personally responsible for my kids education that when they say they hate doing this I take it personally.
Are my kids so far behind that they will never catch up?
There are many children behind in one subject but excel at others. Mine are no different.
Are mine the only homeschoolers that fight everyday?
No, I've asked other homeschoolers and they laugh at the fact that they think mine are the only ones who fight.
Why do they say "this is taking forever!"?
They've never been to a full day of school. so of course the fact that I ask about 4-6 hours a day from them seems like a lot.  What the don't understand is that if they went to school they would go to school for 8 hours, come home and do more school work and still have chores to do.

I've got my answers, so why do I still have these feelings.  Because I can reason with myself but an 8 and 6 year old don't understand reason yet.  I try and explain to them that if just sat down and did the work it would be done and they could go about their day.  No they want to cry and fight and argue until the worksheet that should have taken 20 minutes to do took and hour.
Now why am I confessing this. Yesterday was the worse day yet. My 8year old fought me all day about his work and missed his hockey tournament game because he didn't want to do his school work.  We still went, but he sat had to tell his coach and team why he wasn't playing and than sat in the stands.  Than he came home and I still made him finish his work.  He didn't but I got him up at 4am to finish it and he did it in 1 hour flat.  No arguing, no fighting, no tears, Just work!  WHY is he doing this! I can't do this everyday.  I am ready for them to go to school but it won't be any different when they get home.  We will still fight, argue, cry and stress out because now they have homework!
I really hope some day they will understand that we choose to homeschool them because we love and care about them and their education but now... Now I just want to get through 1 day with out a fight!

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